identity and action

Yesterday, I saw something in the news that I can't forget. Some women (prostitutes, I believe) in El Alto, Bolivia, sewed their lips together with actual thread as part of a hunger strike to pressure the mayor into re-opening brothels and bars there. They were threatening to bury themselves alive the next day (today) if they were not granted their demands. There was no follow up story today that I could find anywhere about the women in Bolivia. I think the original story had appeared under Odd News, and that's probably where it's laid to rest forever.

What does it mean to have something you believe in so much that you would sew your lips shut and threaten to bury yourself to get it? Is that passion or confusion or illusion? As I sit here in my North American comfy enclave, what is so dear to me that I would lay my life down to protect it or protest it? I think of the monks who set themselves on fire to draw attention to their pleas to end the Vietnam war, and the Burmese monks recently who marched in the streets as their government blacked out communications so the world wouldn't see the protesters being killed. I can't even imagine what that is like, to believe so much that you need to give up your life in a dramatic, traumatic way for a cause. I think of all the actions we take like changing light bulbs to fluorescents, eating more local food, buying recycled toilet paper, etc., and I think of people taking their own lives.

While reading that article, I was also reminded of the old familiar quote that we are the ones we've been waiting for. It's true - we are the ones. Those women in Bolivia are at the rock bottom of the totem pole, and they have to help themselves because no one else is going to. But what about us in the plugged-in, developed world? I hear stories of shocked scientists watching the icecaps melt, I read about Iran getting set up by the U.S. for another war, I see vapid talk shows with MILLIONS of viewers, I see pictures of Europe baking in the heat more each summer, I hear about drug companies manufacturing drugs to treat a condition that is known to simply be the side effect of taking multiple other antidepressants. Even with all these problems, we still are the ones we've been waiting for. It is tempting to think it's someone else, but actually there's just a mirror there when we turn around.

So now that we've been waiting for ourselves, and we've arrived, what will we do with our new found selves? I often get stuck in the conundrum of pondering how much is enough. If I write lots of letters of concern to everyone I can think of about global warming, but the planet keeps warming, have I done enough? Am I supposed to give up my life and sew my lips shut until the planet cools down again? Do I try to recruit others to take such a stand with me? If the scope and complexity of the problem are bigger than we can even imagine, what do we do then? Make small contributions and hope for the best? On my good days, I can do this and remember to breathe and go to bed at night with a smile. On my rougher days, I burn desperately inside for an answer as to how best to live my life to address all these concerns - how can I keep abortion legal, how can I contribute to shrinking the population, how can I get Chinese folks to NOT aspire to North American middle class lifestyles, how can I help more people to get on their bikes.

I think as people we want to know if we've done enough. We know if we've put in the appropriate effort to host a dinner party - we made dinner, cleaned up the place, played nice music, everyone had a good time. We know if we've crossed out t's and dotted our i's on the tax return, and send it in feeling restful. We know if we've practiced frisbee enough by going to the game, handling it well, and winning. But how do we know if we're doing enough to solve issues way bigger than ourselves, issues that seem so complex because they involve the different thoughts and actions of millions or billions of individuals who aren't necessarily on the same page? What do we do if the situation is so complex that we don't know how to solve it because we don't even understand it fully?

I don't have any answers this evening as I look out my window at the full moon. I did enough to win at ultimate frisbee tonight, and I'm tired. I know that I had some good one-to-one interactions today, where we both smiled and came away feeling better. I know that they were enough. I cleaned the kitchen to ease my mind, and I hope it was enough. I biked instead of driving for a few kilometers, and that felt like a start. I wrote this entry tonight, and am too tired to write more, so I know it has to be enough for now. May you ask the hard questions, and find peace too...