Sandcastles on Clouds, or That Bad Feeling in Your Gut When You Take Strong Action Based on False Information

Here's a brief list of some of the things I've been wrong about in my life, 1 through n, where n is an unknown integer that grows faster than the total bailout money headed towards the pockets of executives.

1) I thought I would always feel at home in Bethlehem, my home town. As I'm currently discovering, I merely have nostalgia for some aspects of this container which no longer feels comfortable.

2) I thought that I would never need a laptop computer because "I'm not the type of guy who takes it to cafes to write and surf the web." Turns out, I am exactly the type of guy to take my computer to cafes to write and surf the web. Who knew?

3) When I was in college, I thought objectivism (Ayn Rand's... collection of thoughts/inner emotional landscape) was deep and profound. Boy was I wrong about that.

4) I thought it wasn't really important or necessary to love yourself as a first step toward towards loving others with empathy. Wrong-o.

5) I thought for a long time that things will "just" get done in life if I think I value them. Turns out I've got to stay relatively vigilant and on-track with myself, with at least a rough plan, if I want to be effective.

6) I used to think partisan politics was meaningful. Now I really just see talking heads everywhere while we, who observe them and yield decision-making and information-disbursing privilege to them, simply end up feeling more disempowered and prone to alienation.

7) I used to think that working out was self-indulgent and irrelevant to my overall well-being. If you know me now, just smile at that one and tuck it away.

8 through n) So many more things I can't even imagine yet.

Thinking that we know things in any absolute way is really dangerous. We create boxes that we are unable to perceive clearly and then function as if they are some sort of ultimate reality. From these mental constructs we stumble our way through the world wreaking havoc on ourselves and others. We wage "just wars." (Yeah, let that one roll off your tongue while watching Fox news and thinking about two scared guys with dark skin and different flags on their shoulders trying not to get killed in a God-forsaken desert.) We make blanket statements about things being healthy or unhealthy ("almonds are good for you") while deliberately ignoring the questions of quantity, quality, and how we relate to food throughout our life. We keep working to "solve" "environmental problems" while failing to comprehend our predicament in a deeply ecological sense (the total impact of what we're doing on our green and blue sphere of paradise lost). We know that it's not Us but rather Them who need to do something. We know that "you can't just be a writer/actor/teacher." We know that America is blessed by God (whoa! and again... whoa!). We know exactly what we mean when we talk about these things.

It's a funny, beautiful trick to let go of the idea that we Know things. It's scary and fun, like getting strapped into the roller coaster and feeling your stomach sink but your heart soar while you get slowly, inevitably dragged up the first big hill. It's a beautiful thing to learn to see our worldviews as simply that - our view of the world. Can we Know things with only the rods and cones tucked into our two eyes, with their unique set of strengths and limitations? We can see patterns for sure, but what do we Know? One thing I seem to Know is the more I see, the less I feel that I Know.

What do you do when you relax a bit of that iron grip on Right, Wrong, and Other Widely Held Myths? I'm not sure. You probably still wake up, get dressed, have tea, think about your day. What kind of tea? Well I used to drink green because I knew it had the most antioxidants, but now I drink white because I've read in several places that it has the most antioxidants. I thought in the past I'd be going to some kind of academic job because I knew that's what folks with East Asian Studies undergraduate degrees do, but then I learned that I can do other things like build and teach about ecology. You probably still put shoes on your feet and head out the door. What kind of shoes? Well, I used to put really padded, cushy sneakers on because I knew that's what offered the most support to fight pronation. These days I wear open sandals or old sneakers with little padding left because I've read a lot of articles recently about mounting evidence that we do well to run and walk as close to barefoot as we can get, to both strengthen our feet and make them springier and more supple.

What else do you do when you Know fewer things? You probably eat lunch when you get hungry. A few years ago, you probably didn't think much about flax seed or walnuts, because you knew you were eating well. Now we think we see patterns about omega-3 fatty acids being important for the health of our hearts, so perhaps we eat some of those with lunch. Trans-fats? 15 years ago we Knew that they were great because they weren't your run of the mill traditional saturated fat. Now we think we see a pattern of heart attack risk if we eat them, so much so that they are banned in some places.

What's the point of all this banter about changing our behaviors? It's to suggest that we can live well by trying to remember just how little we actually know about the world and ourselves. I think we often pay lip service to this idea, but then act with a huge amount of hubris and attachment to our ideas. We create empires, smoke cigarettes to "open up" our lungs, build with asbestos (oops), trade huge amounts of our waking lives for money, hold climate talks without addressing population, buy clothes made literally by slaves somewhere we've never heard of, and an ongoing list of other acts, large and small. When we forget that we don't really have the Answers, we instantly begin the process to label and divide the world up into Black and White, Wrong and Right, Moral and Immoral, etc. We quickly move to force our ideas on others, or engage in endless inner and outer struggle to subjugate others through our volume, intensity, cleverness, or violence.

Though I'm not certain, I get a strong sense from looking around me and back in history that we naturally become more empathetic when we let go of Knowing. I think this comes about by acknowledging our own flawed process of gathering information about the world, and thereby seeing that other people are just like us. We still go out and act in the world, but we act in more modest, humble ways when we admit our uncertainty. Our humility grows, as does (at least my own) sense of wonder at the beauty and complexity of humans and our ecosystem.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head. Thanks for reading these. May you find a little space to step back this holiday season and say "Maybe things aren't what I think they are." And may you smile in that new found light.